- Oh, you want some more? - No, no, wait.
Where's the unicorn?
Check this out right here.
- Bonus pretzel. - Oh, man, I hate this game.
Somebody, please help me.
What--? That's Ice Station Zebra.
Yeah, we ran out of food a month ago, and my partner...
He's gonna eat me.
- What? - Hey, what's...? What's going on here?
- Nothing's going on. - This is Sealab. What's your status?
- He's trying to-- - We"re fine. We're just fine.
He's just wigging out. Aren't you, guy?
Seasonal affective disorder.
Well, sounds like he needs medical attention.
- We're gonna come check it out. - No! I mean, there's no--
There's really no need for that to happen, right?
- Yes, there is. - Okay, we're on our way.
- Come on, Stormy. - Seriously, guys, we're fine here.
Hello.
Now you've done it. Bothering these people...
...with your crazy lying lies about cannibalism.
You get in your pot.
Okay, everybody squared away?
- Yes. - Yeah, dude.
Okay.
- Come on. - Let's go.
- Okay. - Come on, already.
- Okay. - Quinn.
- Bow planes up 90 degrees. - Aye, aye, dude.
- Who is this? - Oh, he came with the sub. He's cool.
Does anybody here speak German?
Not you.
What the--? Stop that.
- Stormy, you know German? - Yeah, I'm, like, totally fluent.
Hey!
We got a rescue mission to do here, people.
Now, take us to the damn surface.
Shut up. Shut up and get in that pot.
Wait. They're gonna be here with food in minutes.
I know they're gonna be here.
- I can't wait that long, okay? - You've already waited a month.
Yes, so obviously, I don't care to wait any longer, okay?
- You can't just eat me like this. - Yeah, I know.
That's why we got the boiling water.
- Freaking gantz. - Wait, wait, wait...
...let me get this straight. You're saying this guy came with the sub.
- Just give him some schnapps. - Hello.
- What's up, dude? - Hey, guy, what's up?
Hey, you guys got any spices down there?
You know, Herbes de Provence, jerk rub?
- What for? - He's cooking me.
For him. He means for him.
- No, no, I don't. - He's a nut.
No.
You seem busy.
Okay, 10 meters, five meters.
We should be surfacing just about...
Oh, oh, what the hell was that?
The hand of God is punishing you.
Yeah, the hand of God. There is no God.
- My eye! - We hit something.
The periscope poked my eye.
Shut up.
- Stormy, damage report. - I'm fine.
- The sub, you idiot. - What?
- The propulsion drive is damaged. - Damn it.
What are we gonna do now?
God, we're seaborne. I don't know how this could be any worse.
- Oh, shut up. - Seriously, Todd.
Name one thing worse than this.
Yeah, thanks, hand of God.
I'm telling you, there's nothing wrong out here.
Oh, is this part supposed to be smashed like this?
What do you think we hit?
I'm gonna go with "iceberg."
Well, I don't know what that means, but thank you.
- Excuse me. - Wow, German is beautiful.
Hey, thought: Maybe you can try to get in her pants a little later.
- What is your problem? - This stupid rescue. It's hopeless.
It's not hopeless.
- Once Stormy fixes the propulsion drive-- - Stormy couldn't fix a sandwich.
Okay, that's fixed.
Now for a mouth-watering Dagwood.
Get in the pot so I can stun you.
No. How are you even gonna explain this?
When they find your guts strung up in here like Christmas lights.
- What? - Wait, did you say--?
Look, that doesn't matter.
I'm gonna eat the Sealab people too, man.
- You're mad. - Yeah.
There's a difference.
Stormy, get us a coordinate or we'll be driving around for 100 years.
Yeah, thanks to my kick-ass welding.
No, I'm stuffed. But you can't have it.
Hey, you want a Dagwood...
...you go float around in sub-freezing water...
...and somehow miraculously make your own.
How'd you do that anyway?
I don't know. I blacked out.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, ice-station dudes. Come in.
Hey, guy, how's it going?
Zebra, we need your location.
Oh, we're floating around upside down here somewhere and--
Why the hell are you floating around?
- Yeah, that. - Get me out of here.
Look, when you guys get here...
...send some fat guys in first, okay? Someone--
- Look out. He's gonna eat you. - What?
"Pan-Man " is what he's doing.
Listen to him. He's playing "Pac-Man" back there.
And, uh...
Send the fat guys.
They got "Pac-Man"? Sweet. I got ups.
- This won't hurt. - Yes, it will, Todd.
All right, just the initial blow, yes. It will.
I won't lie to you. It's gonna hurt like you won't believe.
- Todd. - Then you'll be in shock, and it'll be great.
Wait. Wait. Did you hear that?
What's wrong with this thing?
What are you doing wrong?
Nothing. Wait. What are you doing?
I'm helping steer from back here.
- Guys, listen. - Well, what's this do?
Who am I, Cornelius Drebbel, inventor of the submarine?
- Guys, shut up. - Cornelius Drebbel.
Jesus. Stop it.
Wait. Stop it.
Stop it. You idiot.
That was their submarine.
They can find us with sonar, and then you'll have all the food you want.
Yeah. We'll lure them in one by one.
Hey, man, I am sorry about trying to eat you.
And I forgive you like crazy. Now, keep pounding.
- Pound for all you're worth. - Just have fun with it.
Sounds like someone's pounding on a metal hull.
That's SOS.
What the--? Stop that.
- Stop it. - There it is again.
- And look, look. - That's Ice Station Zebra.
Again, ups on "Pac-Man."
Shut up and get them on the two-way.
Come in, Zebra.
- Hey, hey, buddy. - We're right outside, dude...
-...and I got a bag of quarters. - For what?
Yeah, that.
Zebra. Here's the plan.
Stormy's gonna drill a hole in your hull.
That's gonna equalize the pressure.
So we can begin the extraction. See you in a minute.
- Yeah. Hey-- - Godspeed.
Do you guys have a bone saw?
Stormy, get out there. And, Debbie...
Okay.
- Debbie. - What?
Don't "what" me, woman. And, you, get your greasy hands off her.
- Debbie. Get the wet suits ready. - Okay. God. Flip out a little.
I am absolutely riddled with "Pac-Man" fever.
All right, when he gets in here, be cool. Just act natural.
- Natural how? - Natural like...
...we're not gonna bash him in the face and skin all the meat off.
Why don't we just go with those people and eat regular food and not those people?
Oh, God. You still do not get it, do you?
What do you mean, there are none? Without wet suits, we can't rescue them.
They'll freeze to death.
Why the hell didn't you pack them?
My God, your hands are freezing, man.
- How'd you like a hot bath there, buddy? - Okay.
That'll give me a chance to wash the potatoes and onions and carrots...
-...I brought for you guys. - Hey. aren"t you made of meat.
I mean, thoughtful.
Yes, it's terrible.
And yes, I suppose I should've packed extra wet suits instead of this dress.
Thank you. But what's done is done.
- You've just gotta tell them the truth. - What, that they're going to die?
Shut up.
Stop that.
I presume he's not angry, he's just hungry.
Zebra. this is Ice Bucket. Come in.
Hey, guy. Y'all have any tortillas, like, 8 feet in diameter?
- No, but-- - Fajitas.
- Where's Stormy? - Didn't you see? He went back to where...
-...you know, you are. - Okay. Listen, I've got bad news.
Don't sweat the tortillas. That was a pipe dream.
No, we don't have any more wet suits.
So, what I'm saying is you... Both of you...
...are going to starve to death.
- I seriously doubt that. But whatever. - I'm sorry.
But while you wait for death, could we...?
I don't know, play some music for you?
- Yeah, some dinner music would be great. - Dinner music?
You're a kook.
It's a long way to Tipperary
It's a long way to go
It's a long way to Tipperary
To the sweetest girl I know
Goodbye, Piccadilly
Farewell, Leicester Square
It's a long, long way to Tipperary
But my heart's right there
It's with the umlaut.